One Big AHA Moment

Once upon a time, not long ago I felt guilty about opening up to certain people. I’m naturally a private person but I decided to step outside the box and express myself differently in hopes to have a more fruitful outcome. I’ve heard that keeping things to yourself can sometimes make you explode and it can be good to talk about an issue because you never know who can help you …. etc. I agree but just know that you have to ensure you are confessing to the right people. Not just anyone you go out with , a coworker…

Everyone isn’t genuinely happy for you, some want to see you do good but not better than them, some just want to know to gossip, some don’t wish you well, some people don’t want to see your success. If you feel weird around someone , then it is a sign from God(One Big AHA Moment).

I’m simply saying to not expose your entire life to anyone . Make sure the person you’re venting to is a good friend. A good friend is someone that loves and care about you. Friendship is a two way street, just like a relationship. It’s not only one person checking on the other. It’s a mutual feeling.

Sometimes , we tend to think that just because someone checks up on us or calls us once in a blue moon , they’re considered a friend. Just because someone is nice or shows sympathy makes them a good person but not necessarily your friend. I’ve used the word friend too loosely and I’m saying that based on my personal experience. Certain people are around for convenience. They’ll do just enough to gain the benefits they need.

My biggest mistake in this 26 years of life is to tell too much to people, calling someone a friend and having high expectations from them. I only blame myself. I used to get attached easily. I’ve been gullible , I’m not using the word stupid lol. Those mistakes opened my eyes and made me the mature woman I am today.

Sometimes, it is hard to know someone’s intentions or if they truly have you in their heart but all I can say is to trust your instincts. Don’t open up quickly, you don’t owe anyone a background check or bio.

Envy and jealousy are so rampant in the world we live in. Don’t ask why because you will never understand others insecurities.

I assume we all watched the movie “Selena” if not, you need to watch it. Let this be a reminder.

I used to hang out with a group of people that I once called “friends”. We hung out, planned get together, had fun, traveled…etc. We texted once every few weeks but most of the time the reason for the text was due to an upcoming night out or fun activity. There is nothing wrong with that because with my career, I need some fun! I just needed to have a boundary. They are just fun people to have a good time with , that’s it.

Fast forward, me losing my sister made me realize who is a friend . Yeah, you tell people and they extend their wishes and condolences. But that’s it !! I was surprised that all I got was that one time “I’m sorry to hear this”. Or “I hope you’re ok”. No , I wasn’t ! I was crying , hopeless. Thank God, I’m close to my family.We are all we got ! But to me a friend is like family. If I hear that a friend lost a loved one, I’d call, and make sure I go and see them , I’d stay with them. After the “my condolences” texts , some texted me like nothing ever happened . I flew to another continent for the funeral and my so called “friends” didn’t dare to ask if I made it safely, how I was…

Again , it is my fault because I called acquaintances friends. I see my mistake now and as I am continuing to grow up, I notice that my circle is getting so tiny. The shrinkage started at the end of 2014. I am so thankful for the people that left on their own, the ones I cut off, disappeared…you name it !! I am not perfect but if I say that you are my friend , I’d ride with you , I’d be there for you, I’d defend you , I’d pray for you , I’d want to see you win, I’d hype you up, I’d tell you the truth, I’d effectively communicate with you , I’d listen to you, I’d be considerate and honest.

Everything happens for a reason and I just want y’all to know that everyone is not meant to stay in your life forever. I know I sound like a common Instagram meme or quote but it is true . Everything has an expiration date, some things never go bad and some will. I am thanking the lord because I am wise and I let go so easily of anything or anyone who isn’t adding any benefit to my life. I let go with no guilt or sadness.

Don’t sugarcoat anything, trust your gut, believe them when they show you their true colors, believe them when they take so long to answer or ignore you , when they don’t invite you ,believe them when they don’t support you, come to your graduation or birthday party, believe them when they always make excuses.

You don’t need closure from anyone . Silence is the answer , make a mental note and get away from bullshit . You don’t need to announce that you are getting rid of them, just do it . Let them notice. If they do it first , perfect! Great minds think alike, they weren’t a match to you but perhaps they’ll be someone else’s good friend , wish them well and live your life.

They aren’t your enemy. Keep it cordial. If you see them ,wave, smile, say what’s up and keep going . Or even have a a glass of wine , talk but just remember who they are. Don’t fall back in their arms.

My friend(s) and I talk on a daily basis. We share sadness and happiness. If this doesn’t happen with you, then you know what your title is. Don’t take it personal. Friendship is like a puzzle , if it doesn’t fit, you let it go. I have many childhood friends, coworkers , old classmates that I’m on good term with . We can meet up and have an amazing time but I always remember the definition of a friend and careful about what I’m sharing .

I’m thankful to God for giving me such maturity and clarity to see through anyone who no longer serves me . In addition, I’m thankful that I don’t need a troop around me to have fun and be happy. Good luck trying to figure out my man, who I’m going on vacation with….etc

Those in my life know but it’s okay for the world to be oblivious.

Happy Thanksgiving !

Hugs and kisses,

Brenda

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